Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after learning he has the condition.
"There's something about facing the future and being reluctant to really process that at the moment," he said.
"It isn't that I don't understand where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is certainly a hesitation to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, explains conversely he feels "calm" as he directs his attention to his present wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the illness deteriorates.
"Maybe that's surprise or maybe I deal with matters uniquely, and after I have the facts, it's easier," he continued.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some lack of strength in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the issue, a set of scans indicated nerve cells in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately extremely affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't experience sick. I don't sense sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle deterioration in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of performing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Condition Development
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the illness claims a third of people within a year and over half within 24 months of detection, as swallowing and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only retard deterioration.
"It's not me that I am upset for," added an emotional Moody.
"There's sorrow around having to tell my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Talking from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he mentioned telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two brilliant boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the settee in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog bounded over and started cleaning the tears off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody explained the priority was being in the now.
"There is no treatment and that is why you have to be so intensely directed on just accepting and savoring everything now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been truly blessed that the only real choice I made when I left playing was to spend as much period with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those times back."
Sportsman Association
Professional competitors are disproportionately influenced by MND, with research proposing the rate of the illness is up to six times elevated than in the broader public.
It is considered that by restricting the oxygen accessible and creating injury to motor neurone cells, consistent, strenuous physical activity can initiate the illness in those already genetically susceptible.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in honour of his brave, relentless style to the game.
He participated through a bone injury of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he left a training equipment and commenced participating in collisions.
After appearing as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the throw-in in the crucial phase of play, setting a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding drop kick.
Assistance Community
Moody has earlier told Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a couple of other former colleagues about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to depend on their support but, at the moment, just having that sort of love and recognition that people are present is what's important," he stated.
"The sport is such a excellent community.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it finished now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to consider your passion your career, it's one of the most important blessings.
"To have done it for so long a period with the groups that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will want to help in whatever way they can and I anticipate having those talks."
